Sarah

I don't use livejournal, but I love writing, and when I write I get personal.
This is why I don't write in my livejournal.

I'm in a place where I really can't give you my heart or sympathy.
I've been hurting for years now emotionally and physically,
Not many people know this, and I'm glad.

I don't think I've ever let anyone in,
No one knows me, I try to be the very humorous happy person.
I don't want to reflect sadness upon others, or other personal hardships that bring up insincere sympathy and pity from others.

I don't mean to sound like an egotistic selfish dick who claims to have
'been through shit' or 'been through worse' but I just don't care about your drama, who was talking shit about you, who got so fucking wasted and fucked whom.

The things most of you people stress over mean nothing, have some depth.
But I'm sure it's hard for one to be different and have depth when they haven't been through similar experiences...

I wish I cared more, I wish I could be a teenage girl and give a shit.
I want to give a shit really, but there's too much going on elsewhere that nothing else means anything. Your hardship and complaints seem so mediocre.

I mask myself up real well, I drop people real easily... But only if they do not possess sincerity.

I guess we all have flaws, my flaw is that your little life is very little to me.

not sure if i should buy the first herbal essence shampoo and conditioner or the second.

this week has been crazy,
this week was hell.

but anyways, i learned today that i'm pretty much good at anything i put my mind to...
not trying to be conceited or anything yall~

also, i'm not pleased that beat freaks didn't win.

for strange quests with no clues!??! D:

penguin:
no work i can do would ever make me happy, and not doing work would just drive me crazy or leave me broke and dead
i think my only option really is just becoming a seriel killer'
the only thing left for me to do is take a few of the people i hate with me

me:
yeah
or we can just
create a suicide holiday
i had a dream bout this.
in the future
where everyone is so sterile
and that bullshit theory about the world exploding
never happened
and strangely
everyone looked forward to the worlds end
because it gave them hope
that something is out there
and it is their purpose
etc
but it never happened

penguin:
weird

me:
and everyone felt a sense of NO god existing etc

penguin:
but you gave me an idea
maybe i'd be happy just making movies

me:
and no one created useful shit or tech
we just had shit for merre pleasure
but no one was happy
we had like
100% proof birth control
and games
but nothing more.
and suicide holiday, ppl who wanted to die just died
and it was like a casual normal thing
no one mourned
it's just
OH hey
suicide holiday

penguin:
thats the most beautiful thing i've heard

me:
my dreams are weird
as hale

penguin:
i once dreampt i was on a roller coaster so long i had adjusted to the speed
i attempted to kill myself with the rollercoaster but it just kept going

me: :/

penguin:
and my body compensated after being on it for like 2 days
and when i got off i moved too fast

me:
i hate that i never reach my destinations in my dream
or a final conclusion

penguin:
yea
i was trapped moving too fast
:(
i could never talk to people or interact with them
i tried becoming a sports star orsomething
or was considering i
*it
but it as a very lamedream
i garauntee that';s happened to the flash

me:
dreams are our true selves D:

penguin:
not exactly
its a cumilation of thoughts but it doesnt reflect anything particular

me:
YES IT DOES
YOUR INNER THOUGHTS
THAT U DIDN'T EVEN KNOW PASSED BY YOUR BRAIN
DURING THE DAY
without your conscience knowing

penguin:
you know the guy who discovered how dna works studies dreams right?

me:
NO

penguin:
and not even he really knows what they mean

me:
SUICIDE HOLIDAY 2009. WOO.

penguin:
*2012

me:
NO
fuck that theory
and shit

penguin:
after the world doesnt end

me:
that's what my dream was saying basically
it was all after the year 2012

penguin:
yea

me:
yEAHhahaha
hahaha

penguin:
the day after the world doesnt end, lets kill ourselves


side note: can one achieve lucid living?

today.

HOW DO I DO THAT CRAZY CHRISTIAN MAGIC WHERE
for example


[my lj post]

LALALA TODAY I TOOK SOME PICTURES OF MY ASSHOLE


LALALAA-LINK-

^A LINK YOU CLICK TO SEE THE EXTENDED ENTRY

SO THAT IT'S NOT A SPAM OF 4832 PICTURES OVERTAKING MY WHOLE LJ.

i'm bored.

i'm strong and capable

i always forget what my fav animal is.
so this will be a reminder, so i don't end up saying "i like every animal."






how wonderful.